partybarackisinthehousetonight: pro tip: fill the piñata with absolutely nothing to prepare your kids for the letdowns of adulthood
psychoticpingouins: 48 years ago a girl said “oh fuck me” to her best friend while walking in the street, a guy who randomly passed by answered by “let me at least buy you dinner first”. I present to you my grandparents, in love since then and celebrating their 47 years of marriage today.
liftedandgiftedd: I hope whoever I marry is ready to have a ton of sex all the time.
Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere. They’re in each other all along.– Rumi (via perfect)
Going barefoot is the gentlest way of walking and can symbolize a way of living...– Adele Coombs, Barefoot Dreaming (via fallingawakeee)
bleedingcrystals: tumbler-teen: who cares if school doesn’t teach us how to raise a family or get a job like at least I can find the area of a triangle. Most accurate
How to braid your hair:
lucifersblog: washingtub: Wet hair Comb through Separate at the part Draw a pentagram on the floor Perform blood sacrifice Offer up your soul to the devil Chant ancient Latin conjuration spell Summon Satan Ask Satan to braid your hair You know what? Screw you. I am done braiding people’s hair. Do you know how many braids I have done today? Thirty-fucking-seven. And I don’t even...
hallloween: I’m crying because I’m eating brownie batter with a spoon that looks like this: and when the batter seeps through the holes it looks like this:
singlefiletodehumanization: If Kevin Bacon doesn’t occasionally refer to his children as “Bacon bits”, then he can go fuck himself.
mariannapaige: I think I’m the kind of person that it hurts to love
apatheticghost: my dad just yelled “IT SOUNDS LIKE YOURE MAKING OUT WITH SOMEONE YOU BETTER NOT HAVE A BOY IN THERE”
daintylolihime: don’t insult your kids, it’s damaging and ruins their self esteem don’t insult your kids, it’s damaging and ruins their self esteem don’t insult your kids, it’s damaging and ruins their self esteem and makes you a shitty person
lizthefangirl: malec-lightwood: alldaymayday: samyulle: don’t you hate it when you’re reading a chapter and then it’s coming to its climax and omg what’s gonna happen, then woops, your eyes dart to the last line and you spoil yourself and hate yourself for it EVERY. SINGLE. BOOK. EVERY.SINGLE. CHAPTER. EVERY.SINGLE.TIME. Take a piece of paper and cover the text, only revealing what...
mememaster: abbysetcetera: Adulthood doesn’t mean you stop drinking juice pouches and eating fruit snacks. It means buying your own. That’s deep
definitivelysarah: thelittlearchangelthatcould: speightdaysaweek: speightdaysaweek: Guys stop what youre doing and say LES MISERABLEBLES in your very best French accent youre welcome I CANNOT BE THE ONLY ONE WHO THINKS THIS IS THE FUNNIEST SHIT I REFUSE TO BELIEVE IT all together now! Les Miserablebles I fucking said it out loud and lost my shit les mEEZEHRABULBLUH I’m...
vintageprincess48: enjolrizzle: wiccanthropy: consultivedetectiveintraining: eternalpurgatoryofdestiel: agehachou: having crumbs in your bra is one of the worst feelings in the world have you ever stepped in a puddle with your socks on? Have you ever had the dark lord scar you and kill your parents when you were a baby Have you ever heard the wolf cry to the blue corn moon have...
davejadetier: BEE SEX IS REALLY FUNNY OKAY HEAR ME OUT BASICALLY THE MALE BEE GOES TO THE QUEEN AND INSERTS ITS PENIS INTO THE QUEEN BEE AND THEN THEY EJACULATE AT SUCH A HIGH SPEED THAT THEIR GENITALS FUCKING EXPLODE AND ARE LEFT IN THE QUEEN FOREVER AND THE MALE BEE FALLS ON THE GROUND AND DIES
What am I doing? What the fuck is wrong with me?
bullied: i like online shopping and putting everything i want in a cart then checking my subtotal and laughing and closing the tab
me after 15 seconds of studying: i just cant do this anymore
stephniejo: I think we all need to go out into an empty field and just scream for about an hour.
pourituppppp: My boyfriend’s younger brother is named Islam and some kid at his school was like ‘why are you named after a religion?’ but this kid was named Christian so like…